There are 18 Pre-suppositions when we come across with NLP. All of those are principles that guide people to operate and as the foundation of the subject. Whether or not you're learning / is an NLP practitioner, these principles can be a game-changer for you as a parent.
Here are my top 5:
1. The map is not the territory.
First and foremost, this is the foundation of NLP. People has their own map based on experience, memory, decisions, values and beliefs, etc. Everyone's map is different. We use this map to map out the territory, i.e. our understanding of the world.
So you can imagine, as parents, our map can be very different from our children. If you think their behaviour is weird to you or anything you don't understand, that is just because you have a different map with them.
2. The meaning of communication is the response you get.
We never know what people construct in their map when we're communicating to them, we don't know what message they are getting, and we even don't know if they're really listening, until we get the response from them.
As parents, if the response from our children isn't what we are looking for, we have to adjust the way we communicate.
3. There is no "failure", only feedback.
No matter how struggle it is when we don't get the response we wanted, it doesn't mean we are failed in parenting, or we are "bad" parents. It just mean we have to change our ways. So there's no failure in parenting as long as we keep trying different ways to match with both ourselves and our children.
Read: 3 things to check before asking "Why you NEVER listen to me?"
4. Separate person from behaviour. People are more than their actions, words, emotions, roles, etc.
Separating the person (being) and behaviour (doing) is important, especially for parents. Our children always test our bottom line, challenge our limit, but we still love them, just because they're our children. That is what unconditional love about. It doesn't mean we have to tolerate their misbehaviour, it means we understand they are more than their behaviour, and those behaviour are base on their map that may not fit for us.
5. Every behaviour has a positive intent.
No matter how not fit we find our children's map, we have to believe that all behaviour has a positive intent. As parents, it is good for us to understand the intent first. If that's really something that is not acceptable for us, we have to help our children to draw a better map, so that it won't happen again.
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Tell me which pre-suppositions you find most helpful to your parenting, and share this to your family and friends.
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